Winnie Cooper Makes Math Awkward

Winnie Cooper exposes algebra, faces jail time

Yep, that’s Winnie Cooper, all grown up, and she’s sexing up algebra. If you’ve ever seen the Wonder years, I apologize. This book must make you feel very awkward. It certainly had that effect on me when I saw it at Borders. I took a picture at the time with my cell phone, but it came out really blurry and, after the gumball incident, I really wasn’t up for taking my camera and heading to the Young Adult section of the local bookstore. Thankfully, Google image search came through for me (as always).

Fundamentally, I don’t have a problem with someone making math “edgy” and “flirty,” other than the fact that math can’t be either of those things. I do, however, have a bit of an issue with Winnie Cooper, innocent crush of an entire generation of American tweens, being the face of this new (only?) breed of mathsploitation. It seems like only yesterday that Kevin and Winnie were sharing their first kiss in Harper woods, and yet here she is, exposing algebra for the whole world to see. Shameful.

I get that it’s supposed to be a knockoff of Seventeen, but it seems like they missed the mark a little with their cover design, skirting dangerously close to Cosmopolitan territory. And I’m pretty sure I’ll be permanently scarred if I look up the term “Hot X” on Urban Dictionary. Winnie Coop – sorry – Danica McKellar has actually written a couple of other math books that avoid this problem.

 

Winnie Cooper dares you to make fun of math.

 

Sure, the titles of these books are a little eye opening, at least for a kid who’s still learning fractions. But other than setting kids up for inevitable disappointment by promising to make math fun, they seem pretty harmless. Horoscopes, exciting quizzes, exponents – what’s not to love!

And then there’s Hot X: Algebra Exposed. I totally understand there’s nothing actually offensive in the book, but it’s like Disney releasing The Little Mermaid: Unrated Edition. Then again, it’s kinda my deal to overthink these things. Maybe I should give Winnie a break. She’s educating our children, which is way more than you can say for most sitcom stars (with the exception of Tony Danza, of course). Plus, she’s not the only child actor to take advantage of the dearth of celebrity sponsored educational materials. Take Ricky Schroder’s new book, for instance.

 

Can you handle EXTREME GEOGRAPHY?

 

So I guess I’m being too hard on child celebrities. Inevitably, some of them would grow up to be really smart, and who can blame them for not turning down a book deal? Still, I’d love to know how the market research phase went.

Market Research Guy: On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being “totally disagree” and 5 being “totally agree,” please rate the following statement: “I trust that girl who played Winnie Cooper to teach my kid math.”

Concerned Parent: 5. Absolutely.

Market Research Guy: Excellent! “The problem with algebra is that it doesn’t have enough Boy-Crazy Confessionals.”

Concerned Parent: 5. With more Boy-Crazy Confessionals, I could have been an engineer.

Market Research Guy: Wonderful! We’ve only got one more for you. “I would consider purchasing a product even if it seems like it came from a really weird dream I had after starting a new medication.”

Concerned Parent: Wait, this is really happening?

Yep, Concerned Parent. I was surprised too.